Counting to ten is a nice idea– when anger wants to play nice. Unfortunately, when your anger is triggered, the only counting you’re inclined to do is a countdown…10,9,8,7… Right before you explode. Anger is fine when you need to fight back, protect, and defend. Your anger needs to be managed, however, if your fights are constant, ...

If you think you have a lot of feelings to deal with during your divorce, imagine what your child is struggling with – fear, resentment, grief, anger, frustration – and all of it filtered through a mind not yet ready to handle such adult issues. Parents can make the process less traumatic in a ...

Kids worry. It’s great big world, and every once in a while, unexpected events, unknown people, and unfamiliar things may be reason for alarm. Usually, their self-confidence is temporarily shaken and their distress is fleeting. Lately though, do you sense that your child is in the grip of something more? When your child’s momentary distresses ...

Helpful ways to restore loving connection How “good” was the last good conversation you had with your partner? Did you talk about how much you care about each other? Check in on each other’s long held dreams? Encourage one another, laugh together, or praise each other? Did you really talk? Don’t you want to? When couples complain ...

Every one of us suffers from anxiety at some point; it’s a natural reaction to frightening or stressful situations. Anxiety becomes a problem, for adults and children, when it is irrational, excessive, and persistent. The unhappy fact is that at least one in eight children suffer from problem anxiety and girls are more ...

If there is a child who glides smoothly from childhood through the teenage years and into adulthood, you don’t know her. That child, rare as a Higgs boson particle, doesn’t live on your street and certainly not in your house. You, and most of us, are most familiar with the garden-variety teen – ...

Every parent asks this question at least once, more likely every day. Your child’s answer may vary widely depending on when you last let her have an ice cream cone. Your best friend will likely give you a positive answer but the stranger in line behind you at the grocery when your child ...

Warning signs for friends and family members When someone you love is in pain, you sense it immediately. Something in the way he or she talks, moves, or looks at you alerts you and spurs you to reach out. You can see that this is more than the blues or a bad couple of weeks. ...

Do you so badly want to move on, but feelings of fear, powerlessness, shame, or anger keep dragging you back through one of the worst experiences of your life? Have months, or even years, gone by, but you still feel stuck thinking about– and trying not to think about– that terrible time? You may be ...

You may feel sick about what you said. You might be embarrassed by what you did. You may still be anxious, uncertain you won’t fly off the handle again. It’s okay. You can still make choices that will help you change the way you manage anger. Learning to manage anger means widening that small space ...

It’s an awful question to have to ask yourselves: Is our marriage worth the effort and expense of trying to preserve it? Do we have the energy to stay together for one more day? The answer is one that only you and your partner can decide upon. There was a time, in the beginning ...

Are thoughts of office parties, public speaking, or even a simple introduction to someone new enough cause to send your heart racing, your stomach turning, or your mind scrambling with fear, worry, and self-doubt? Do many good times, interesting people, and adventures seem out of reach because social dread, apprehension, and fear of judgment ...

Spruce Up, Dude: Make an Effort to Entice Your Partner Remember how much time and effort you put into looking good for strangers, back when you were unattached? Now that you’ve found the guy, doesn’t he deserve at least that much attention to detail? You don’t have to develop an addiction to your ...

Would you recognize the symptoms of ADHD if you saw them? The indicators that suggest you or your child may be dealing with ADHD are sometimes very clear. Other times, a confusing mix of emotion and behaviors point toward ADHD one day and something completely unfamiliar the next. Consider the following list of prevalent ...

Would your teenage son or daughter ever willingly intimidate or encourage the intimidation of another person for his or her own benefit? No? Maybe? As much as it disturbs us, a bully’s aggression and a mean girl’s cruelty are often a surprise to their parents. Is there anything you can do as a parent to influence your ...

Are you suffering from anxiety? The list of symptoms is so long and diverse, it almost seems that the answer is always, “Yes!” In fact, everyone suffers from anxiety on occasion – nerves when an important meeting is looming, jitters before even the keenest performer steps on stage, butterflies or heebie-jeebies or cold ...

Home, the place of safety, where you’re surrounded by the people who love you most. Home is where the comfort is, the place where you can relax after a day of doing battle with the real world. When home turns into something different, a place of anger and shouting or silence and withdrawal ...

The heroine of the novel died. Someone else got the promotion. Your favorite restaurant is closing. A friend forgot your birthday and you are TOTALLY depressed. No, you’re not. You are sad, you feel lousy for a few hours or days and you get over it. You may think sadness feels like depression, but ...

Understanding these obstacles to long-term love No relationship is perfect. Lasting love is hard work and each partnership has its share of unique obstacles. Still, you and your partner aren’t as alone as you may feel. There are several key issues facing many couples that can pose significant challenges and compromise your connection. Are the following 5 relationship ...

You made your relationship formal so you could spend more time together. So why has spending time together become such a struggle? So many life changes demand a piece of your day. Your jobs want their eight hours – plus! The commute may take another chunk. The house, the kids, your friends, your ...

When you’re feeling sad, your first inclination probably is to find a sympathetic ear and vent – “… and then he just broke it off with no good reason”, “You know how hard I worked on that project and to have it dismissed like that in front of everyone …”, “My poor dad ...

Practical Ways to Knock Out Sadness, Pain, and Isolation ‘Depressed’ was not the word you imagined would describe your senior years. You certainly did not count on this heavy, listless feeling weighing down your life. Take heart. You don’t have to suffer the drain of depression forever. You can survive the sadness and pain, reawaken your motivation, and ...

What you should know about Emotionally Focused Therapy Relationships can be confusing and complicated. They can tap into our deepest and most basic needs and emotions. They can stir up deep feelings we never knew needed to be explored. How do we connect and manage our emotional dots when it hurts or when it troubles us? When ...

Living with anxiety isn’t a straight and clear path. Plagued by tension, worried thoughts, and a whole host of physical reactions, people who fall victim to anxiety experience something more akin to a theme park ride. With severe anxiety, symptoms are debilitating on a regular basis to the point that performing daily activities is ...

This may be the hardest conversation you’ve ever had, in a long series of really hard conversations. Once you and your spouse have made the difficult decision to divorce, you’re faced with telling the other people who will be most affected – your kids. Following are some suggestions for getting through this difficult conversation ...

Determining how well your child trusts, accepts, and connects with the world Parenting is a big job. From the womb, you are well aware of each step in the process, each responsibility, and each milestone. Even the way you look into your child’s face or interpret the things he or she isn’t telling you is important. ...

How Seeking Help Can Keep Your Love from Disappearing for Good Remember when it seemed like the sun shone brighter just because the two of you were together? Has the light of your love gotten dim lately? Is it getting difficult to remember what spark drew you together in the first place? Often the joy, playfulness, and ...

You love your baby. So much. After all, you’ve been looking forward to these moments for nearly a year. But. You feel something else too. Disappointment. Anxiety. Overwhelm. Exhaustion. The people wanting to help or visit irritate you. You’ve gone through boxes of tissues, but the tears keep flowing. And after a week or so, you’re just not sure you ...

You’d think this argument was the best part of your day. Why else would you go through it over and over and over? Why else would you say the same things each time even when you know how pointless it will be before the argument even begins? Why else would you reach the ...

We’re all sad from time to time. Life can batter us and we sink into unhappiness. That’s usually a temporary condition and one that we recover from on our own. Extreme sadness, sadness that doesn’t pass, though, is a different condition. True depression brings sadness, too, but also a loss of interest in things ...

There’s nothing like a good argument, is there? Clears the air, clears the pipes, and then there’s the pleasure of making up again. When two people share their lives, eventually they’ll disagree. If they are equally matched in will and determination, the argument can be robust and actually good for the relationship. Annoyances ...

What to do when you’re starving for some undivided attention Do you hear that? There’s a faint rumbling in your home. It sounds like the groaning, grumbling sound of hunger. But it’s not your stomachs that need to be fed. It’s your relationship. How long has it been since your connection was nourished, your friendship fortified, and your ...

Do you really have your feelings under control? A chronically angry person is like a roiling pot of mixed stew, randomly popping and snapping the hotter it becomes. If the pot is too full, it soon bubbles over. Steam rises and the heated mix spills onto anything or anyone nearby. What about you? Are you overfilled, angrily ...

For better or for worse, we live in a world where we are surrounded by technology. Devices such as smartphones and tablets make it easier than ever to stay connected for all hours of the day. Teenagers today have grown up in this era and are more prone than older generations to become ...

Well, this is pleasant. You know and respect each other’s habits. You each take care of your household chores without complaint. You politely share the bathroom in the morning and show up at social gatherings together. You make sure your kids are well cared for. You combine your resources to make life comfortable. ...

The most intimate group we’ll ever belong to is the family. It’s where we learn to share and to do battle, to communicate, to negotiate differences, and to celebrate accomplishments. Family is the safe huddle we come home to after a day out in the larger world. Family members provide the mirror that ...

We all expect the thrilling days of courtship to continue forever. We look at friends or family members who have been married for years and have settled into a comfortable but mundane relationship and vow, “That’s not going to happen to us.” But, the daily grind has a way of rubbing off the ...

Our lives provide frequent opportunities to be stressed for a good cause – pressure to finish a big project at work, a child heading toward trouble, simply running late for an appointment. Even happy events like having a baby, buying a new house, or preparing for a vacation carry their share of fretfulness. ...

Self-esteem, the way you think about yourself, seems by definition the most personal of constructs. Certainly it begins that way: we have an inborn sense of self and our parents play a big role in helping to form how we feel about our own worth. Yet shaping your self-image may be the ultimate example ...

Partnering with a professional to become the best parent possible You have a stack of parenting books, dog-eared and bookmarked, crowding your bedside table. But you need help now. Your head is full of your loved ones’ good intentions and hand-me-down childrearing advice. But it doesn’t seem to fit your family. You’re feeling pressured and stressed, your parental ...

Everybody has a down day or two. An unkind comment resonates, a relationship ends, a beloved pet dies, a job ends. We find it hard to think about anything else, to summon the energy even for a fun activity. But somewhere inside we know that this is a misery that will pass. Day by ...

Look out! Oh my goodness, that car nearly hit you! Safely back on the curb you gasp for breath. Your heart races, cold sweat coats your face. You feel nauseous and dizzy. You’re physically unhurt, but your body has flooded with chemicals that give you the oomph you need to try to avoid ...

There is a bottom line in every relationship, perhaps several bottom lines. A “we won’t go there” limitation is part of the emotional contract partners make with one another. But what happens when you do “go there”? In the heady beginning of a relationship you may be convinced that it will never happen ...

It’s a shock to learn that the person you trust most in the world has lied, cheated, sneaked, or broken faith with you in some way. You had an agreement after all, whether it was stated aloud or merely understood between you: you would each look out for the other, protect and support ...

Why do pre-marital work? You and your partner have reached a wonderful point in your relationship. You’ve spent amazing moments learning about each other and more amazing moments embracing the realization that you want to spend your lives together. Commitment is just around the corner and you couldn’t be happier about it. So, why on ...

6 Anxiety alerts to help you identify what’s worrying your child Why is it so difficult to calm your child’s inner alarm? What will soothe his sense of impending doom? Why can’t you convince her that disaster really isn’t around every corner? You can see that your child is sad, afraid. Whatever is happening is more than ...

Choosing to love your partner through the triggers and trials Do you love an angry person? Are you committed to your relationship but weary from sifting through the pile of emotional triggers and accusations that are too often are laid at your feet? Have you ever wondered whether there’s anything you can do to ease the ...

From the beginning of life we crave connection. Babies reach out, snuggle in, and loudly object to separation. If that closeness is taken away, they fail to thrive and can become emotionally stunted. That need doesn’t disappear as we age. Adults also crave closeness, but the focus shifts to our families, good friends, ...

  If coming home is never the best part of your day, if your spouse’s number is no longer the most frequently called on your phone, if the TV or computer is the most interesting thing in your bedroom, if you hesitate to have a conversation with your partner because you already know how ...

Examining the strong link between anxiety and a host of common illnesses You’re worried. Again. The thoughts, the headlines, and the worrisome possibilities of this or that are invading your thoughts. Here comes the headache. Again. You probably think you need another migraine pill. Actually, time with a counselor could better ease your mind and treat your pain. Anxiety ...