When the last of your kids leaves home, you might just have a bout with “empty nest syndrome.” Profound feelings of loss and sadness seem to come in through the same door your child went out. Letting go of that last one can be particularly hard to do. If the last to leave home ...

Are you too busy to make your relationship work? Is one eye on your tablet when your eyes should be locked on your partner? Is one ear attached to your phone, checking voicemails, while the other is “listening” to the challenges of your spouse’s day? Relationships don’t do so well when they are just another item ...

Learning to fight a good, clean fight with effective conflict resolution. Anyone who wants commitment and long-term love, learns to fight. Oh, not knock-down, drag-out disrespect. After all, you love your partner. You just slowly come to terms with the fact that in the course of a 24-7, home-sharing, life-melding relationship, you’ll probably bump heads on a ...

You know anxiety, you have been acquainted with it for most of your life: That jumpy feeling in your stomach when your mother walked you to your very first day of school Those sweaty palms when you planned your approach to the cutest girl ever; the tingly fingertips as you watched the cutest boy ever ...

Anxiety moves into every part of your life. It fills your nights with nightmares and worry and your days with distracted thinking and fear. It keeps you jumpy and distrustful. It damages your health in a number of ways: high blood pressure, stomach upset, headaches, achy joints and muscles, dizziness, and numbness. If ...

Your mind may have had time to anticipate the loss: the long agony of a fatal illness, a slow slide into financial trouble, a failing relationship. You may have been stunned by sudden trauma: a serious accident, flood or fire or earthquake, a lost job, or a fight with a friend. Whether you were ...

We spend 70 percent of our lives communicating and almost half of that listening. So why aren’t we better at it? It may be because we can hear between five and 10 times as fast as someone else talks. That leaves a lot of extra brain capacity that takes our attention wandering. Chinese or ...

Something is wrong in your relationship. You know that or you wouldn’t be reading this. Your partner may not agree that there’s a problem, or may avoid counseling out of fear – that she’ll be blamed, that she’ll have to change, that divorce will be the inevitable outcome. She’s wrong on two counts, ...

Sometimes anxious parenting seems like healthy parenting. All the worrying, assuring and reassuring, comforting, planning, and fussing seem to be for your child’s welfare. You mean well. It all seems protective, helpful, and supportive. But stop fretting for moment to look at your child. Listen. Is he or she afraid to sleep alone or stray too far, avoiding ...

For many people, adjusting to being single after years of marriage is difficult and takes time. Of course, everyone is different so the transition to becoming single again is an individual journey. Several factors come into play that could influence your re-entry into single life. Here are a few suggestions to help you ...

It takes willpower to skip that desert that looks so decadently delicious. (Or to skip that second helping of it.) It takes willpower to delay buying that new gadget that you hadn’t budgeted for. It takes willpower to get yourself up and exercise when you feel like being a couch potato. Weak willpower? Here ...

No, we can’t all just get along. We are hardwired to be scrappers, fighting for water or food, territory or mates, or status. We’ve refined our rationale, arguing over the best table at the hot restaurant, the last bottle of that trendy merlot, the house with the perfect location or the side of ...

Your body remembers well the worst time in your life. And holds it against you. You’re jumpy. Irritable. The headaches from the memories constantly on mental replay. The nightmares that mean sleep won’t come easy. The stress of your trauma grips and shakes you again and again. The pain of your experience keeps you not only exhausted but hyper-vigilant ...

Oh yes, it is. When something awful has happened to you, you want nothing more than to get past it, forget the pain and fear and emotional upheaval, get back to your normal life. Unfortunately, trauma doesn’t just fade away. It stays inside your heart and mind and even your body. Until you ...

The symptoms of chronic illnesses are extensive and varied: pain for some, numbness for others; exhaustion or unrelenting restlessness; bellyache, headache, muscle ache; shortness of breath, thundering heartbeat, dizziness. There is one symptom that almost everyone struggling with a chronic illness shares: loneliness. It may feel like an intentional piling on of unhappiness: Not only ...

There are many ways to see this negatively: You woke up today in a bed that’s half empty. You sit at the table alone with no one to tell about your day. There’s an ache inside your ribs that aspirin won’t touch. Your best friend has become your enemy. You will wake up tomorrow in a bed that’s ...

The answer is an infuriating “maybe.” Maybe you can summon the grace to get over the betrayal. Maybe your partner is capable of taking responsibility and committing to a change. Or maybe your partner isn’t interested in changing anything and maybe you are too angry to even consider forgiving and moving on. The future of ...

Just the word, said out loud or written that way, with just the period behind it, seems somehow taboo and uncomfortably final. It makes us uneasy. Moreover, we know how hard death is to explain to ourselves. How do you discuss death with a child? You may want to skirt the topic altogether. But death, too often, ...

6 ways to determine whether your sexual behaviour is out of control   Have you had enough of all the sex? Is it all too much? Too much pornography. Too many strangers. Too much cruising. Too many affairs. Is your sexual life no real life at all, but just one uncontrollable tangle of problems? You want out…but you feel bound ...

Teenagers are often pretty tough. They have to be. How else can they survive the bombardment of hormones, peer pressure, social dynamics, and academic expectations they navigate daily? Teenagers are often overwhelmed. Who wouldn’t be? How else can they stand up to the feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, anxiety, rejection, and failure that can thread their way through their ...

You’re not alone ­– Its estimated that 30 million people in the U.S. alone suffer some form of sexual addiction. You’re not evil – Sexual addiction is a compulsive disorder like alcoholism or drug addiction. Although the cause is complex, researchers believe sexual addiction can result from sexual abuse, distant parents, an imbalance in ...

It would be great, wouldn’t it, if none of us had cause for anxiety? Life doesn’t work that way, though. Traffic is a bear. There’s that deadline at work. It’s 11 p.m. – where is your teenage daughter? The family Thanksgiving gathering is coming up and there is no way your green bean ...

Once upon a time, anxiety did what anxiety is supposed to do. You counted on it. You counted on it to rush in when things got tense. It tapped you on the shoulder and whispered “time to go.” It firmly advised you to plant your feet and “put up your dukes.” But now? Now, you can’t count on anxiety ...

What an amazing turning. For a terribly long time, gay couples have pleaded, waited, marched, lobbied, and battled for the simple right enjoyed by heterosexual couples to knit their relationship into the fabric of our society. Agonizingly slow progress saw gay marriage legal in 19 states this year. And then a month ago ...

Relationships end for a variety of reasons. Although some romantic relationships and marriages end amicably, like the conscious uncoupling of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, many don’t. Understandably, some relationships might end in less-than-friendly circumstances after an incident of betrayal like an affair or other exposed dishonesty. Afterward, it can be hard to deal ...

The weeks and months before your wedding day are busy and exciting. Lots of plans and decisions need to be made. Of course, you already plan to be happy together with your future spouse. After all, happy marriages are among the most fulfilling relationships people encounter in life. Before you tie the knot, however, ...

If you live with a chronic illness, or if you were suddenly and permanently disabled, you’re not alone. Chronic illnesses and permanent disabilities are a fact of life for millions of people. One of the most important things you can do for yourself is also one of the hardest: accept that things are forever ...

Are you on the receiving end of one of the most maddening relationship problems there is? Here are some hints: Forgetfulness: “Sorry, I completely forgot that you wanted me to pick up the dog from the vet.” “Wait – you don’t like Thai food?” “Oh, gosh, that gold date was today, wasn’t it?” Silence: … Putting ...

Anxiety should be your friend. It should be a warning when things get scary. It should be a motivator when you’ve been challenged. Unfortunately, your anxiety simply won’t leave you alone. Its always there, always in the way of the life you long to lead. It’s time to break free. Here’s where to begin: 1. Break down your rising anxious ...

Do you remember dim lights, scented candles, and romantic music playing low? What about quick passion before work…and after dinner… and sometimes instead of lunch? Do you remember long, very late, very satisfying nights? What happened? Why is all that loving just rolling around in your memory? Instead of in your bed? Sadly, it seems you and your partner lost ...

This is no small skirmish. This is war. In own your body. You’re battling an eating disorder. You will need your strength for the attack on every unhealthy thought. You will need a concrete battle plan that can restore peace, establish order, and make the war inside a thing of the past. Eating Disorder treatment is that plan. I know that, ...

You know that life is a roller-coaster. Everyone gets down sometimes. But this is more than “down.” This is dark. It hurts. You don’t recognize the emptiness that seems to sit in your chest. You don’t know how to make it go away. Is this depression? If your life seems too exhausting, too unfocused, or too overwhelming to bring you ...

You might as well face it, this is going to be a hard time for you and your partner, with plenty of hurt, blame, and guilt to go around. Infidelity is one of the most challenging things that can happen in a relationship, and yet it happens in about half of marriages. Be ...

To constantly witness the debilitating effects of PTSD on someone you love is tough. But it’s also tough to be the loved one of someone with a PTSD wounded mind. So tough, in fact, that without help, too many strained, fragile marriages crumble completely. And without guidance, too many insecure, intimidated children act out. Whole household depression, ...

It’s impossible. The death of a child cannot be borne. The depth and width and height of that pain defy our imagination. And yet someone close to you is staggering through that agony. You know you should do something to help and yet … Part of you is guiltily glad that the loss is ...

Stress is the (frequently) hidden secret behind our most dangerous physical diseases. Heart disease, obesity and diabetes, cancer, asthma, gastrointestinal disease, Alzheimer’s, premature aging, and depression all have anxiety’s fingerprints all over them. For millennia we have been hardwired for anxiety. The sudden burst of energy, oxygen, and alertness is a lifesaver when you’re ...

If you are wrestling with an eating disorder, you grapple daily with food and body image. But deep down you know something more is going on inside you. Something more than hunger is happening. Something deeper than deprivation or overindulgence needs your attention. It may seem easier to pin your pain on calories, diets, carbs, or sweets. But ...

I don’t want to make you feel unimportant, in addition to your anxiety, but you are suffering from the most common mental illness in this country. Forty million other Americans, 18 percent of the population, wake up each morning to face some of the same symptoms that are making your life difficult – ...

Well, that sounds appealing, doesn’t it? Unlock the pain, but the truth is that the pain is there and is spreading a poison you don’t deserve all through your life. If you are ready to move on from the terrible thing that happened to you, you will have to confront the pain you’ve ...

Completing the emotional work that signals you are equipped to move on Once upon a time you were married. Thus avoiding all the tension and uncertainty of the dating scene. Then you divorced. And now? Now, the dating game is calling. And you’re the next contestant. You think. How do you know if you’re really ready? Dating after divorce can be tricky ...

Take a look around. It’s happening everywhere, all the time. Couples barely speak or look at each other. They rarely hold hands, engage in lingering looks, or share a long laugh. Glowing screens and the persistent need to post and tweet are draining the electricity from a legion of marriages. And, often, couples are too distracted to ...

Coming out of the closet isn’t easy. The idea of shining light on something you once felt you could never reveal is all at once terrifying and liberating. The process of throwing open the closet doors often feels strange and emotionally dangerous for those who chose to do so. As with any developmental process, coming out ...

Anxiety is meant to inhabit the body in small doses. The surges of tension, alarm, and agitation serve you well when “fight or flight” is your best defense. The adrenaline and cortisol that flow through you are meant to ebb away with the danger. Leaving you calm, your pulse steadied, your upset appeased. But what is ...

Four questions to ask yourself about vulnerability, awareness, need, and the past. Are there times, when the turmoil of your anger has finally blown over, that you sit down, frightened by your harsh response or embarrassed by a dramatic display, wondering if the recipient of your anger was really the person who inspired your ...

The best diet in the world won’t help you lose weight if you undermine your own weight loss efforts. It’s easy enough to do. Here are a few ways people unwittingly sabotage their sincere efforts to lose weight. 1. Emotional eating When stressful events are included in your day, or maybe in response to more ...

When your youngest child grows up and leaves home, you might be left grappling with some mixed emotions, uncomfortable moods, and feelings of loneliness or grief. There’s a name for that: empty nest syndrome. It’s not just you. First, understand that this is a well-established, widely known pattern of emotional and mental distress. It’s ...

So I say, “You’re wonderful!” And you say, “What an idiot you are.” And I say, “Yes, you are. You’re wonderful.” And you say, “Man, have I got you fooled. There’s nothing wonderful here.” And I say, “I mean it; absolutely wonderful.” And you say … , well, we could go on like this for an infinity, with ...

From the first moment you hold your newborn child in your arms you are helping that little being build (or destroy) her sense of self-esteem. It’s a lifelong process, of course, but the strong foundation of how an adult feels about himself is laid in childhood. By the time your child is an ...

It starts with a polite and benign statement: “I’m fine, really.” “It doesn’t matter.” “No problem.” “I’ll take care of it.” And then difficulty sets in. For some reason your friend or loved one or coworker can’t follow through on a promise, can’t finish a project, regrettably must miss the deadline. It’s not his ...

As much as we’d like to protect the people we love from any sort of pain and loss, it’s a part of every life. A fulfilling job ends, a child leaves for college, an accident or illness robs them of some ability. And, of course, death brings the ultimate in grief. People grieving any ...